A moment

He grasped her waist with both hands as the pace quickened. He raised one hand and pushed the hair over her shoulder to get a full view of her body. She smiled down at him as his hands dug into the soft flesh of her ass. The loud squeaks of the cheap mattress filled the room along with the slapping of their bodies.

He smiled as her body was suddenly bathed in light, but it was gone just as quick as a a car passed by. He had forgotten the firmness of youth as her body bounced on top of him. Their mouths melted together as she leaned forward. She breathed hard through her nose as their lips remained locked and she increased the rhythm. She grunted as the kiss ended. Her hands grasped his shoulders as she leaned forward and rocked her hips back and forth forever gaining momentum.

He felt it rising through his body as it reached the base and past a point of return. His fingers dug deeper into the firm ass as he shook with each thrust - eventually hollaring as he could hold it no more. Her eyes remained closed as he concentrated on her rhythm. He matched her pace as her chest heaved and the now familiar grunts echoed around them. She was no screamer, but the silent squeal was a good sign.

Her eyes slowly opened as she returned to him. He pulled her face close to his and licked the sweat from her upper lip as the kissed. He body maintained a slow grind before she pushed herself from her mount and collapsed beside him. The sweat on his body was instantly cold as the air conditioner blew across their bodies. He heard her soft snore as he slid his legs over the edge of the bed.

He turned toward her and his eyes followed the curves of her body as she lay sleeping. He still couldn't figure out how he had scored with her, but why ask questions now. He wished for the stamina of his youth as he contemplated going again. He grunted while raising his body from the bed and walked to the window.

He laughed while wiping himself on the green curtain while watching a woman approaching the entrance with suitcase in hand. She seemed closer to his age and in excellent shape, but the conversations about her past and future plans along would be too much. The coolness of the bathroom floor surprised him as he lowered his tall frame onto the toilet - he found sitting and peeing much more comfortable these days, and less messy as his ex liked to say. He decided not to flush to avoid waking her - he was in no mood to talk.

Rain attacked the window as he returned to bed. He pulled the sheet and one cover over the beautiful body as she continued to sleep. He gently pushed the hair from her face as he wondered about his own son - no, she wasn't that young, but it had been so long since they had spoken. He wondered if the boy would ever come to his senses and forgive him. He knew the boy's stubborn nature mirrored his own, so it was less likely to happy sooner rather than later.

His stomach growled as he pulled the covers toward him. He wondered why a properly functioning air conditioner for hotel rooms was so hard to find. In the end, you were either hot or cold - nothing in between. The clock confirmed the stomach's statement that it was time to eat. He wondered if the ex was eating, she had her schedule and rarely strayed. He missed that schedule, but she didn't seem to miss him - rather hate and contempt were better summaries of her emotions.

His eyes slowed closed as the rain continued to beat the window. He felt a hand just as he was fading away. Her face hovered over him as his eyes blinked. She smiled and kissed him as her hand revived him for another run. He hoped she would take control again as he was exhausted, but his hopes rose even further as she slid under the sheet. He looked down - he had always liked to take a peek, but it had been so long - as her head bounced under the covers.

He smiled and closed his eyes and grabbed the back of her head. The rain muffled the smacking noises as he felt a cramp form in his left calf. He pushed her deeper with his palm as he tried to push the cramp away. His luck continued as the pain eased as he forgot to warn her, but she didn't seem to mind as she worked away as no drop was spilled. He felt the sleep overtake him as he slowly faded.

Gone

"Hey man, you in there?" The door opens further with each knock. I slowly step inside reminding myself that I am an invited guest.

The light from a television fills another room as I close the door behind me. The search ends as I find him slumped on the sofa. A nearly empty vodka bottle rests on the floor with pictures scattered across the glass coffee table. An uneasy silence fills the room as I grab the remote and jab the mute button.

"Dude, what is going on?" I am surprised and a little frightened. I have never seen him like this.

"What's going on? When did you get here?" The haggard face raises slightly to finally acknowledge my presence.

"I've been standing right here, you left the fucking door open. What is going on, you sick?" Our eyes lock briefly and the emptiness in those familiar eyes does not ease my mind.

"What are you talking about. I am fine. Here, take a seat." Pictures fall to the floor as he points at a chair perpendicular to the couch. He grabs one of the photos from the floor and disappears again while examining it.

"You are not fine. What the hell? Why are you drinking? For christ's sake, it is ten o'clock in the morning." I feel like an angry parent as I try to figure out what is happening.

"Did I ever show you this picture?" He holds the small rectangle in his outstretched arm as I snatch it away.

"Yeah, I think I remember this one. Didn't you have this on your desk in the old house?" I smile at the small boy in the picture as he giggles while sitting on my friend's lap. I try to estimate his age, he seems to be around two, so the photo is about sixteen years old. I look up to confirm my calculations, but the sadness on his face is palpable. I am suddenly aware of the pain hanging in the air. My heart rate increases as I expect the worst.

"Hey, that's right, great memory, you always were smart. You see, he's laughing, that laugh always brightened my day. Did I ever tell you the Super Bowl story?" He takes the photo from my hand and loses himself in it once again.

"Yeah, I remember that one, he was a good sport that year. Hey, tell me, what the hell is going on? Did something happen?" I feel the sweat break out across my body as I wait for the bad news.

"He always was a good sport. Did something happen? Yeah, you might say that, but you already know - don't play dumb with me." He wags his finger in my direction while grabbing the bottle with the other hand. It seems like a bad movie as I try to remember if I had ever seen him drink so much.

"Give me that." I grab the bottle and hold it as I stand and try to give him a look that tells him to fill me in.

"What the hell? Give that back." He tries to stand but gravity and the missing contents of the bottle return him to the sofa.

"Come on, spill it, what happened because I have no clue." The bottle shakes in my hand as my voice rises.

"Fuck, you know what happened! You know what I did! Why does everyone want to keep reminding me? I never expected you to turn against me." He lowers his head and sits with hands resting across his thighs. I finally notice the same boy in every picture on the table.

"Shit, not that again. Look, you made a mistake. Like I've said before, you need to move on and forgive yourself." I sit the bottle on the television as the shell of my friend sits in front of me. He looks like he has been through a fight and he lost - lost badly.

"I can't, he's gone." His hands rise and motion toward the table in a sweeping motion like one of the models on the Price Is Right.

"Gone, he's gone? What happened?" The fear is startling as I assume the worst again.

"Yes, he left, he's gone. I ruined it, ruined everything."

"Oh, he'll be back. Kids say lots of shit, but he'd never leave you." I am not sure if I truly believe what I am saying, but I sound confidant.

"You don't understand. He's gone, moved out. He let me know what I am not - despite the history." His voice trails off as he continues to mumble inaudibly.

"Where is your other roommate?" I can't win the argument so I continue to collect information.

"Who knows and who cares."

"Well, okay, I guess you've had a bad day. Everybody will be okay when y'all have time to cool off."

"No, he let me know his decision a while back. I didn't tell anybody. I guess I hoped it was just talk. But, I have only myself to blame."

"Look, he's a kid. We all say and do things that we don't mean. Just give it some time." I was surprised he hadn't told me a while back, but he had not been as open after the details of recent actions had been revealed.

"No, he hasn't wavered since telling me a while back. Unlike me, he's always been consistent and not a liar. You know, I sacrificed a lot for him - I never let him down like others, well, until recently."

"Did you tell him that?"

"No, it's not for me to say. The only thing I could do is apologize again, but it wasn't enough. Shit, how did I fuck up the one thing I couldn't lose?"

"Just give it some time." I could think of nothing better to say and I didn't believe it. I knew, we all knew, what he had done. We sat their in silence as I searched for something positive to say.

Extra

"What is this?" I held my hands over the stack of paper as if it was infected while waiting for an answer.

"What we talked about yesterday, it's a simple mockup but a good starting point." He brushed a piece of white lint from his impeccable blue suit while matter-of-factly delivering the answer.

"I didn't expect anything so soon. I mean, I mean we didn't discuss this until late last night - as we were leaving." A sudden wave of panic covered me as I quickly realized I felt threatened. I shrugged it off as he spoke.

"Well, I know, but I was a bit excited so I worked on it last night - after supper." He leaned back and straightened his tie while holding his left foot out to examine the shiny black shoe.

"Oh, I see." I mumbled as I really didn't understand how this could have happened. My mind returned to the previous evening. I suppressed a smile as I remembered arriving home and jumping in bed with the wife. Later, we fixed dinner while discussing our days and the kids delivered the highlights of their day over the meal. After the dishes, we took a walk and I spent some more time with the kids, took a shower and then off to bed. Really, there wasn't a minute in the evening where I could have worked - or even contemplated it.

"Yeah, so I think we could keep the budget low by using offshore resources as I outline on page eleven." He nods toward the stack of papers that I still haven't disturbed.

"Great idea." I have the sudden urge to slam the overzealous pile into the trash bin and kick him out, but I continue to smile while finally touching the paper. Did he just say page eleven? How the hell do you assemble such information so quickly? I pick up the pile and mentally weigh it with my hand - estimated thirty pages. I remember typing a ten page paper in college only hours before it was due, but it had been pure bullshit - was this bullshit? I pull back the first page and notice its impeccable presentation.

"Yeah, I love my new Mac - this stuff is easy to churn out." He continues to smile and the cockiness begins to turn my stomach.

"Well, great, I'll take a look and talk to you later." I purposely end the sentence so he knows to get up and get out of my office. He takes the cue and leaves with a slight nod. I search for a flaw, anything, in his appearance and dress but it there is nothing.

A quick glance over the report affirms its quality. I wonder how such work can seem so effortless. I turn in the chair and lean back and stare into the parking lot. His office, yes that office, had always bothered me. It is overflowing with personal items like a room in somebody's home. I mentally scan the room and sit up straight as I think I've discovered his secret.

An odd thing about such a personal space - his office - is the lack of photographs. There is no pictures of a spouse, kids, family, pets, vacations, or anything. You may wonder why? Therein lies his secret, he has none of those distractions to monopolize his time both during and after normal business hours.

My mind travels back to my first days after college - I loved that small apartment where it was just me. I came and went as I pleased and had plenty of time to soak up new information and my productivity was always sky high. I remember shaking my head at my older co-workers who could never keep up. I enjoy my life with work just a small part of it, but work was my younger counterpart's life. I wonder which way is best as my attention is broken by the ringing of the telephone. I glance at the caller id and smile while answering it.

"Hey honey, what's up? Busy, no, what's going on?"

Lunch

"So, how's it going?" I speak while searching for the waiter who has vanished.

"Good." The mumbled response is hard to hear as he sits with head down staring at the menu.

"That's all you have to say, good?" One word replies are a clear sign of troubles or worries with him.

"What did you expect?" He raises his head and makes eye contact. His hands grip the edge of the table.

"So, how's, what's her name?" I skip the question and start to dig.

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb, that girl you told me about last week. The one with the incredible ass." Heads turn in our direction when the last part of the statement is given life.

"Oh, Dana, it's over." He raises both hands and waves at me as our drinks are placed on the table.

"Sorry to hear that, you seemed to like her - or liked certain parts of her." I down half of my drink to quench the overwhelming thirst.

"No big deal, but yeah she could fuck like you wouldn't believe." He leans back and stretches his arms across the back of the bench seat as a grin stretches across his face.

"Nothing wrong with that." My drink is suddenly empty and the elusive waiter gone as well.

"No shit, let me tell you, she came to my office a couple weeks ago, did I already tell you this? Fuck it if I did, you can hear it again. Anyway, she comes to my office and blows me while I am on this conference call."

"No, you didn't tell me that - and I think I would remember. Shit, she just walked in during a meeting?" This is the reason I love lunch with him, the stories are always a nice change from my boring life.

"No, we went to lunch and then she came back to my office. She keeps pushing me to fuck her, but I keep telling her I have an important conference call that I can't miss - believe me, I'd miss most meetings for sex. So, she is still there when I dial the number and she locks the door, crawls under my desk and goes to work."

"How was the conference call?"

"I have no fucking clue, but apparently I said all the right things." He slams the table with an open palm just as our food arrives and I request a refill.

"Well, that sounds great, so why is it over with her?" I closely inspect the burger before taking a bite.

"It would have been great if fucking was the only thing we did. She asked too many questions, so I ended it." A wad of french fries disappear in his mouth as he flashes a sarcastic grin.

"What kind of questions?"

"You know, the usual, what are you thinking? Where were you last night? Where are you going? Can I stay the night? and on and on and on."

"Yeah, ain't life rough." I roll my eyes to drive home the sarcasm.

"Anyway, I'm through with women."

"Yeah, right, I've heard that before." It was part of his normal cycle, so I quickly dismiss the absurd statement.

"No, really, I think I'm asexual." He pushes his plate away and focuses on the drink.

"Asexual? What do you meam?"

"I mean I don't like anybody these days, nobody is attractive so fuck it - I don't need anybody."

"Should I start calling you Ripley?"

"What?"

"The book - and movie."

"You and books, fuck that. I just don't want a woman, man, or anybody."

"A man? You been hiding something?" I smile at the double meaning of the question, but it is lost on him.

"No, I'm just trying to make a point."

"Yeah, well, I'll believe it when you're still asexual this time next year, but we both know how your moods go." I drop the last part of the burger due to lack of interest. The waiter places a check on the table and disappears.

"Don't mock me."

"Please, don't try to act upset or hurt. Shall I go through a list of your past proclamations and other adventures?" I begin a mental list of things he had told me over the past year - such things as converting to Scientology, getting married, adopting a child, moving to Italy and working in a cafe, writing a novel, and so forth.

"No, spare me. Nobody likes to have their past repeatedly thrown in their face." He places a few bills on the check and waves to the waiter, apparently he is buying.

"We all need one or more people to keep us in line - a kind of reality check."

"I guess, so how are you doing?"

"I'm good. We have a campus visit next week, so hopefully I can have him in college this time next year."

"How's Trixie?"

"She's good, working and the usual shit, but no blow job in the office." I frown while glancing at my watch.

"You should ask." He counts his change and drops a tip in the tray.

"Believe me, I know, and asking kills the thrill of a lot of things. I like spontaneity and women who take charge."

"Yeah, you've always been a pussy." He laughs as we both stand and survey the rest of the room while stretching. "Hey, check out that hot brunette over there - in the corner, look at the rack on her." He leans over and nudges me as I brush crumbs from my shirt.

"Yeah, you're asexual and you should work on your whispering." The brunette in question looks at us while the rest of the crowd gives us a glance.

"Whatever, she knows her tits are big."

Reflection

The slamming of the car door echoed across the parking lot as I made my way to the building. The sky blinked with lightning as I walked across the rain soaked ground. I turned to the left and watched a young couple holding hands while walking toward a nearby playground. I chided myself for not following the sidewalk as the mud collected on my sneakers.

The euphoria slowly faded as I neared the stairs. I leaned against the rail with my left hand steading my body as I scraped my shoes against the bottom step. I stepped over the collected mud as I climbed the stairs. It was a familiar route traveled numerous times but everything now seemed foreign.

I stopped at the top of the steps and stood motionless as my eyes rested on the door. I had raced over here to bang on that door and see that face, but I was suddenly unable to move. It was a terrible feeling that I can only describe as doom that filled my body. I gripped the rail to avoid an accident as my eyes fell on the ground.

All the months or even years of doubt seemed to disappear in that one moment. It was like that brief moment after an orgasm when there are no troubles and your thinking is crystal clear before reality returns.

The door mocked me in its dark corner as I took one step backward. I wanted to run, to disappear, but felt it necessary to keep an eye on the target as I slowly backed down the stairs. Step by step the door slowly sunk out of view. The sound of a car door closing startled me as I reached the bottom step. I turned slowly while silently praying it would not be her. God had other plans that night.

The dark hair collapsed under the rain drops as she stood motionless. Our eyes met and locked. I wanted to say and do the right things. My moment of clarity had shown me there was no way to go back, that some mistakes are too much to overcome. Her eyes seemed to agree with me as the rain increased.

I stepped onto the grass again as she maintained her perch on the sidewalk. I resisted the urge to run as I methodically returned to my car. The lights blinked as I pressed the security button. I pulled the door open and turned to face the building. She maintained her position on the sidewalk.

I contemplated a wave, a simple nod of the head, or even a thumbs-up but abandoned all choices and slammed the door while pushing the key in the ignition. The thought of horror movies where the car refuses to start filled my mind as the engine quickly responded. I slammed the knob to reverse and pushed on the gas. Hey eyes followed the vehicle as I crept from the cramped lot.

I resisted the urge to turn for a last look while turning the corner. I hoped she didn't get sick from the rain before realizing it was not my place to hope such things. I laughed at the irony of the Glen Fry tune blaring from the eighties station.

when it comes to love
there's no easy answer
only you can say
what you're gonna do

Silence filled the interior as I slapped the radio. I mashed the pedal and pushed the speedometer to eighty as I sped down the ramp to the interstate. It was an odd sensation to have no doubts about where I was going.