Too late

The afternoon sun fills the room as dishes and pans bang in the backround. A group of young waitresses huddle nearby, exchanging gossip and rumors only they care about. The restaurant is mostly empty with the lunch crowd returned to their workplaces.

"I'm sorry." He says while taking a seat opposite her.

"It's okay, I haven't been waiting long." She moves her purse to the floor near her chair, double-checking its location with her eyes before returning the focus to him.

"That's good, but I am really sorry, sorry for everything." He dries his palms on his jeans while summoning the courage to meet her eyes. The eyes that still fill his dreams.

"Wow, you don't waste any time."

"I had to get it out, I've been waiting to say it."

"You know, you've said that before. I'm not sure it means much at this point. It's easy to say it after you've done, well, we know what you did. You ruined my life." Her lips wrap around the straw as she drains half of the drink before looking at him again.

"What more can I say? I am sorry, I mean, I've typed it so many times, but the courage never arrives to actually send it. I've called quite a few times, well, dialed six of the numbers, but it seemed better just to leave you alone." He unsuccessfuly motions at the waitress for a water.

"So, why are we here today?" She gains the attention of the waitress and watches as he orders.

"Why?"

"Yeah, this is far from leaving me alone? You send me a weird, long ass letter, vague as usual, so of course I show up, being a idiot as usual." Her drink splashes across the table as she slams down the glass - the waitress, all waitresses, turn to investigate.

"I just wanted a chance to see you again, an opportunity to apologize." He fishes the lemon from the water with the straw. It bounces as it hits the table.

"I was scared. I was confused. I didn't know what I was doing. The drinking and other stuff didn't help."

"And I knew what I was doing?"

"No, I didn't mean that, I can never justify anything, I can never go back, I'd go back in time and change everything if I could, but that is unrealistic. I want your forgiveness." His hands grip the table, holding back the urge to reach across the table. A door to the kitchen swings open nearby and a wave of air crosses the table, covering him with her scent, a scent he had never forgotten.

"You can't have it."

"What?"

"I said, you can't have my forgiveness. I gave you everything else, but that is one thing that you can't have. You were, I mean are, a selfish prick, so live with it." She drains the rest of the drink while reaching for her purse.

"I love you, I always have and I always will." He looks away, seeing her car in the parking lot.

"Yeah, so you said." She pauses with purse in lap while watching him.

"You don't believe me?"

"No, I do, and that is the problem. It is an easy thing to say, but harder to do it. Your actions never matched your words. I know you are working your twelve step thingy, so move on to somebody else. I'm not sure why you put all that shit in your letter." She dabs at her eyes with the napkin, trying to avoid crying.

"Well, I have a problem, well lots of problems, but I need to work these steps and try to be a better person. I kind of knew you'd never forgive me, and you're not alone with that sentiment, but I had to try. You were the one and I blew it and I have to live with that fact."

"Yeah, I have to live with it to, you're always thinking about yourself."

"I never stopped thinking about you."

"Well, you need to."

The chair moans as she pushes away from the table and stands, stopping briefly to double-check she has everything. She flashes a frown and moves quickly for the door. He turns and watches the woman he loves, knowing he has lost her forever, knowing there is nothing he can or ever will be able to say to get her back. He swallows hard, fighting back tears, as his eyes fall on her drink - he reaches for the glass and shakes while contemplating the next move.

Finally

I stood as she sat on the edge of the bed. The hum of the window air conditionar unit filled the room. The occasional voice could be heard as they passed the window, but our eyes remained locked.

She leaned forward and wrestled with the belt holding up my jeans. My body jerked as she fumbled with it, finally figuring it out and quickly unfastening the button of my jeans. The zipper singed and was suddenly silent. She grinned while reaching inside and rubbing my stomach. I groaned as she pulled at the pubic hairs.

I was afraid to move, not wanting to do anything to scare her away. I looked down into her eyes, those amazing eyes, and she giggled. She pushed herself back onto the bed, propping herself and moving backwards on elbows while maintaining eye contact.

I remained standing as she unfastened her jeans and wiggled out of them with the panties not far behind. She sat up with legs open while pulling the white blouse over her head. She tossed it to the cheap red carpet while flashing a smile. She reached behind her back and the bra danced down her arms before joining the shirt.

She laid back and motioned with her index finger for me to follow. The butterflies danced in my stomach as my jeans dropped. She reached and turned out the lights. I wrestled with the jeans around my ankles, nearly stumgling, before escpaping. The t-shirt was easy. I leaned forward on the bed - on all fours I slowly approached her.

We kissed, our tongues danced in and out of each other. I made a trail of kisses as I travelled down, momentarily stopping at her breasts, before resting between her legs. I kissed her thighs while inhaling her - that sweet smell. She leaned forward and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me to her.

"No, I want you inside me." She moaned as we kissed. She reached down, taking my stiffness in her hand.

I was light-headed as she stroked me. The bed creaked as she scooted down - guiding me inside. She groaned as our bodies met. I stopped, savoring her, savoring the moment.

"Finally." I pushed her hair back and kissed her.

"Shut up and fuck me." She moaned as her legs wrapped around me as she pulled back, wanting me to continue.

It was our first time, but it felt like we had always been together. Our bodies moved in unison, each body silently telling the other what it needed, what it wanted, and the other responding.

I propped myself on one arm and reached down with the other hand. I wanted to watch her come. My hand danced across her stomach slick with sweat before finding the nerve center. Her body buckled as I stroked her, she gained momentum as my fingers circled it.

She cried out as I continued to push and pull while my hand danced between us. The cries and moans were soon followed by laughs as she reached up, grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. She locked on my lips while pulling me into her at an increasing pace.

I pulled away from the kiss and fell into her slick body - exploding inside her. She grabbed my ass, nails breaking the skin, squeazed me with more laughing to follow. We laid motionless, bodies rising and falling as our breathing slowed returned to normal. I felt myself shrink inside her. I slowly rolled away and we laid side by side.

Chance

"I saw her again." I lowered myself into the wingback chair. My hands grabbed its arms as I leaned back and met his eyes.

"Where was it this time?" The leather chair squeaked as he leaned back, balancing the pad of paper on his knee. The glasses slid down his nose as he looked down and scribbled notes.

"No, this was real, not another dream." I looked down at the arm of the chair. I gently rubbed its suede fabric with my index finger, spelling her name in the soft tan clothe. I pushed the palm of my hand across the writing and it was gone.

"Oh, okay, how did that happen?" The scrape of the pencil across the paper stopped as he looked up at me. The hand hovered just above the pad, with pencil positioned to immediately resume writing.

"It was an accident, totally random. I was walking down a sidewalk and there she was." I held my hands out in front of me, palms facing up to emphasize the surprise.

"Were you following her again?" The tip of the pencil was now resting on his lower lip as his eyes scrutinized me.

"No, it was not planned - I swear." My right arm shot up in a ninety degree angle with palm facing the doctor - as if I was about to be sworn in.

"Well, what did she say?"

"Nothing, we didn't talk." I picked a piece of white thread from my royal blue shirt and flicked it away. I watched it float to the room's tan carpet while remembering her face as she spotted me.

"So, she didn't see you?" He wrote slowly with a furrowed brow.

"No, she saw me, or I think she did. Our eyes met, they met briefly, and that was that. I kept walking and she, well, I don't know what she did." The feathered paint on the ceiling caught my eye as I leaned back in the chair. Had the ceiling always been like that?

"Did you two communicate with your eyes?" He smirked as the question left his mouth. He pulled at the dark hairs of his mustache while watching me.

"What does that mean?"

"You said that you to had a connection which defied words." He thumbed through his notes before finding the quote and smiling at his excellent memory. He held up the pad and pointed at it, like a game of charades.

"Well, I guess there was communication. Her eyes told me to not stop walking and keep my mouth shut, so that is what I did." I frowned while replaying the chance encounter, knowing I should have stopped and said something, said anything. It was one of those moments you realize is a mistake when it happens, but it is too late to go back.

Take a seat

The distinctive whine of the Honda engine accompanied by window rattling music interrupted my reading. I folded the page to mark my place before laying the book on the coffee table. The afternoon sun blinded me as I stood to inspect the car in the driveway. I lowered my eyes and closed the blinds after spotting the familiar teal green Civic.

The music continued after the engine had stopped. I shook my head at the popping and cracking of the speakers exposed their flaws. The music was gone as quickly as it had appeared with one the slamming of a door and another following. I fell back on the couch and grabbed the book, opening it to a random spot, as the door opened.

Two pairs of white sneakers were visible from my basement perch. The moved aimlessly around the kitchen. I spotted a flat white box in the father's hands. The boy approached the steps and leaned forward to meet my eyes. I answered his wave with a nod before he spoke.

"Do you want some pizza?"

"No, thanks, I already ate." I dissected the question as I returned to my book - a section I had previously read. There was no trace of apprehension in his voice - it seemed to be genuine.

I leaned forward on the couch, straining to hear their conversation, but only mumbles filled my ears. The boy had always mumbled, the father's mumbling led to believe it was hereditary, but then again I mumbled myself.

A dry, tingling sensation in the back of my throat made me sit up as I coughed. I thought of water as I rose to climb the stairs. I froze as I spotted the father, the man with the boy, the man sitting in my chair while the boy was in his familiar spot.

I was suddenly sad, a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, the coughing gone, as I watched another take my place. Beads of sweat popped on my forehead as I tried calm my nerves, but the juxtaposition of a foreign body in my seat was confusing. It was a simple image, a father and a son, a timeless subject.

I slowly lowered myself onto the couch while looking away from the intruder, the thief. I knew he'd soon be gone with order restored, but the feeling of loss could was not easily squashed.

Gone

I had never seen a man die. His grip on my hand tightened as his eyes opened wide - opened for the last time - and it was suddenly all over.

His fingers slowly pulled away from my hand, one by one until the last one and the arm returned to the bed with a muffled thud. Silence filled the room as his eyes closed. I stood perfectly still, waiting for his next move.

I turned and faced the others. Our eyes met as I absently stepped back. My mouth opened but there was no sound. I was pushed aside as they stormed the bed. I found relief against the wall as the others confirmed what I had tried to say.

"Why didn't you say anything?" My aunt turned away from the group to face me. I felt and fought the onslaught of tears as our eyes met. She turned away and faced the body of her husband. I wanted to run, but my legs did not agree.

"He's really gone, I am so sorry." My brother rubbed his face while hugging our aunt.

"He's definitely in a better place." She patted her eyes with a tissue that seemed to appear from nowhere.

I felt my way along the wall to the door like a blind person. A quick turn and a mad dash had me in the backyard, The tears flowed as I stood in the silence of the dark night. The sobs were deep and convulsive as I mourned the loss of an uncle that I barely knew.

"It's okay." My brother placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I hadn't heard him approaching - I jumped. I knew it wasn't okay, but I nodded agreement. He pulled me tight and we hugged. I dragged my nose against his old varsity sweatshirt, he didn't seem to notice.

"I didn't know what to do." I stammered when the sobs eased.

"It's okay, it was a long time coming." He pulled away and tapped a pack of cigarettes against his palm. A cigarette finally separated from the rest and stuck out where he could grab it. He inhaled deeply with the first draw of it. I declined when he offered it to me.

"I don't want to go back in there." I shivered when thinking of the cold dead body inside the building.

"We can stay out here for a while, but you have to go inside sooner or later." He gave me a matter-of-fact glance like he always did when he thought I was being silly.

"Not until he is gone." The rise in my voice was unplanned as I gestured towards the house.

"He? Suddenly you forget his name?" He holds the cigarette sideways and blows on it until the ashes float to his feet. He takes one last drag and flicks it across the yard. The small orange light is captivating as it travels away from us. It slowly fades after finding a landing spot.

"No, but he's gone, in case you didn't notice." Another tremor arrives as I recall the final breath and those eyes, those eyes that said so much more than his mouth.

"Yeah. Well, I'll be inside." He mumbles and climbs the two stairs up to the backdoor before the house swallows him and there is nothing but darkness. Another tremor approaches, I shake my head to fight it, I struggle to keep my eyes open, knowing that he is waiting when I close them.