I had never seen a man die. His grip on my hand tightened as his
eyes opened wide - opened for the last time - and it was suddenly all over.
His fingers slowly pulled away from my hand, one by one until the last one and the arm returned to the bed with a muffled thud. Silence filled the room as his eyes closed. I stood perfectly still, waiting for his next move.
I turned and faced the others. Our eyes met as I absently stepped back. My mouth opened but there was no sound. I was pushed aside as they stormed the bed. I found relief against the wall as the others confirmed what I had tried to say.
"Why didn't you say anything?" My aunt turned away from the group to face me. I felt and fought the onslaught of tears as our eyes met. She turned away and faced the body of her husband. I wanted to run, but my legs did not agree.
"He's really gone, I am so sorry." My brother rubbed his face while hugging our aunt.
"He's definitely in a better place." She patted her eyes with a tissue that seemed to appear from nowhere.
I felt my way along the wall to the door like a blind person. A quick turn and a mad dash had me in the backyard, The tears flowed as I stood in the silence of the dark night. The sobs were deep and convulsive as I mourned the loss of an uncle that I barely knew.
"It's okay." My brother placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I hadn't heard him approaching - I jumped. I knew it wasn't okay, but I nodded agreement. He pulled me tight and we hugged. I dragged my nose against his old varsity sweatshirt, he didn't seem to notice.
"I didn't know what to do." I stammered when the sobs eased.
"It's okay, it was a long time coming." He pulled away and tapped a pack of cigarettes against his palm. A cigarette finally separated from the rest and stuck out where he could grab it. He inhaled deeply with the first draw of it. I declined when he offered it to me.
"I don't want to go back in there." I shivered when thinking of the cold dead body inside the building.
"We can stay out here for a while, but you have to go inside sooner or later." He gave me a matter-of-fact glance like he always did when he thought I was being silly.
"Not until he is gone." The rise in my voice was unplanned as I gestured towards the house.
"He? Suddenly you forget his name?" He holds the cigarette sideways and blows on it until the ashes float to his feet. He takes one last drag and flicks it across the yard. The small orange light is captivating as it travels away from us. It slowly fades after finding a landing spot.
"No, but he's gone, in case you didn't notice." Another tremor arrives as I recall the final breath and those eyes, those eyes that said so much more than his mouth.
"Yeah. Well, I'll be inside." He mumbles and climbs the two stairs up to the backdoor before the house swallows him and there is nothing but darkness. Another tremor approaches, I shake my head to fight it, I struggle to keep my eyes open, knowing that he is waiting when I close them.
His fingers slowly pulled away from my hand, one by one until the last one and the arm returned to the bed with a muffled thud. Silence filled the room as his eyes closed. I stood perfectly still, waiting for his next move.
I turned and faced the others. Our eyes met as I absently stepped back. My mouth opened but there was no sound. I was pushed aside as they stormed the bed. I found relief against the wall as the others confirmed what I had tried to say.
"Why didn't you say anything?" My aunt turned away from the group to face me. I felt and fought the onslaught of tears as our eyes met. She turned away and faced the body of her husband. I wanted to run, but my legs did not agree.
"He's really gone, I am so sorry." My brother rubbed his face while hugging our aunt.
"He's definitely in a better place." She patted her eyes with a tissue that seemed to appear from nowhere.
I felt my way along the wall to the door like a blind person. A quick turn and a mad dash had me in the backyard, The tears flowed as I stood in the silence of the dark night. The sobs were deep and convulsive as I mourned the loss of an uncle that I barely knew.
"It's okay." My brother placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. I hadn't heard him approaching - I jumped. I knew it wasn't okay, but I nodded agreement. He pulled me tight and we hugged. I dragged my nose against his old varsity sweatshirt, he didn't seem to notice.
"I didn't know what to do." I stammered when the sobs eased.
"It's okay, it was a long time coming." He pulled away and tapped a pack of cigarettes against his palm. A cigarette finally separated from the rest and stuck out where he could grab it. He inhaled deeply with the first draw of it. I declined when he offered it to me.
"I don't want to go back in there." I shivered when thinking of the cold dead body inside the building.
"We can stay out here for a while, but you have to go inside sooner or later." He gave me a matter-of-fact glance like he always did when he thought I was being silly.
"Not until he is gone." The rise in my voice was unplanned as I gestured towards the house.
"He? Suddenly you forget his name?" He holds the cigarette sideways and blows on it until the ashes float to his feet. He takes one last drag and flicks it across the yard. The small orange light is captivating as it travels away from us. It slowly fades after finding a landing spot.
"No, but he's gone, in case you didn't notice." Another tremor arrives as I recall the final breath and those eyes, those eyes that said so much more than his mouth.
"Yeah. Well, I'll be inside." He mumbles and climbs the two stairs up to the backdoor before the house swallows him and there is nothing but darkness. Another tremor approaches, I shake my head to fight it, I struggle to keep my eyes open, knowing that he is waiting when I close them.
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