The smell of disinfectant filled my lungs as followed the
directions I had not memorized as well as planned. Plaques were posted
everywhere telling me where to find certain groups of room numbers. I silently
weaved my way through the white maze before finding the room. I double-checked
the room number with my memory since there was no name on the door.
I found him sitting at her bedside as I gently nudged the door open. Once again, my mind berated my being there. He didn't immediately sense my presence as he held her hand and whispered in her ear. He suddenly turned and met my gaze. I nodded and crossed the threshold into the room.
The machines beeped as the various tubes snaked in, out, and around her body. Her small size made it seem like a child in the bed, but the gray hair shattered the thought. He gently laid her hand on the bed and kissed her cheek before standing and turning in my direction.
"She's not doing very good. I kept telling her to take it easy, but she is so stubborn." His hands fumbled nervously as he looked into my eyes.
"What happened?" The emotion in his voice was alarming.
"The heat, she collapsed due to overheating. I rushed her home and laid her down. She woke up for a moment but that was it." His voice trailed off as he turned in her direction. His hands were now shaking as he pushed them deep into his pockets.
I could find nothing to say as I stood and watched a stranger. I had never witnessed a single emotion from this man - at least one not alcohol-induced. I couldn't take my eyes off of this small man. It was something I had to see with my own eyes, and I didn't want to miss anything. There was a surge of elation as I watched him breaking down before me.
I wanted to take a picture and show the world that he wasn't a monster - that he did care for someone other than himself. My moment had arrived, I could finally return the favor and kick him when he was down. After all, he had seemingly danced and applauded, almost wished, the various low points in my own life. And, how many times did he let myself and the rest of the family down or easier to count the times he did come through - none.
It was an empty feeling as the elation never really materialized. All the years of proclaiming my rightful place as his son, that I was just like him, were not true. I felt sorrow and pity for the old man. I reached out and grabbed his shoulder and squeezed - as close to a hug as any of us would get.
"I'm really sorry. What did the doctors say? Can I get you anything?" My hand inched from the shoulder to his back and I patted him. A smile flashed across his face before quickly disappearing as he thanked me. He relayed the news from the doctor - word for word - and I listened attentively before getting him something to eat.
We talked as he ate, or rather I listened as he talked. He thanked me again as I prepared to leave. The urge for a hug swept over me but I resisted. As I walked out, I turned and watched as he returned to her side - grabbing her hand and talking. I knew she would never wake up and I wondered about his future - what was left of it - as I dialed my cell phone to hear the voice that meant so much to me.
I found him sitting at her bedside as I gently nudged the door open. Once again, my mind berated my being there. He didn't immediately sense my presence as he held her hand and whispered in her ear. He suddenly turned and met my gaze. I nodded and crossed the threshold into the room.
The machines beeped as the various tubes snaked in, out, and around her body. Her small size made it seem like a child in the bed, but the gray hair shattered the thought. He gently laid her hand on the bed and kissed her cheek before standing and turning in my direction.
"She's not doing very good. I kept telling her to take it easy, but she is so stubborn." His hands fumbled nervously as he looked into my eyes.
"What happened?" The emotion in his voice was alarming.
"The heat, she collapsed due to overheating. I rushed her home and laid her down. She woke up for a moment but that was it." His voice trailed off as he turned in her direction. His hands were now shaking as he pushed them deep into his pockets.
I could find nothing to say as I stood and watched a stranger. I had never witnessed a single emotion from this man - at least one not alcohol-induced. I couldn't take my eyes off of this small man. It was something I had to see with my own eyes, and I didn't want to miss anything. There was a surge of elation as I watched him breaking down before me.
I wanted to take a picture and show the world that he wasn't a monster - that he did care for someone other than himself. My moment had arrived, I could finally return the favor and kick him when he was down. After all, he had seemingly danced and applauded, almost wished, the various low points in my own life. And, how many times did he let myself and the rest of the family down or easier to count the times he did come through - none.
It was an empty feeling as the elation never really materialized. All the years of proclaiming my rightful place as his son, that I was just like him, were not true. I felt sorrow and pity for the old man. I reached out and grabbed his shoulder and squeezed - as close to a hug as any of us would get.
"I'm really sorry. What did the doctors say? Can I get you anything?" My hand inched from the shoulder to his back and I patted him. A smile flashed across his face before quickly disappearing as he thanked me. He relayed the news from the doctor - word for word - and I listened attentively before getting him something to eat.
We talked as he ate, or rather I listened as he talked. He thanked me again as I prepared to leave. The urge for a hug swept over me but I resisted. As I walked out, I turned and watched as he returned to her side - grabbing her hand and talking. I knew she would never wake up and I wondered about his future - what was left of it - as I dialed my cell phone to hear the voice that meant so much to me.
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