Weekends with Dad

The stories dive into the many ups and downs of being a child in a broken home - more broken than I first realized. When the parents split, the child (usually) pays a steep price as their time with with both parents is gone and now their lives are compartmentalized with weekends with one parent - in this case, it is most weekends spent with dad. While the child craves the time with dad, the Saturday's and Sunday's are less than stellar and many times providing cringeworthy glimpses at life with a less-than-perfect father as harsh life lessons play out. However, all time together is not so bad as they find humor and some fun while one of the pair grows up.

Love makes the world go around

Love makes the world go around, gives us all a purpose whether love of your work (don't we all love writing?) or romantic love which keeps us rolling. I often laugh at the songs and story of love - they either are full of the pursuit, thrills and chills of new love or the simmering ashes of past/lost love. In reality, romantic love is a marathon that will settle into a rhythm where you share a life/purpose with another. I recently told that to some younger folks who just rolled their eyes, but that is another story. I like a line from an older move "Seeing Other People" whereas Jay Mohr's character reflects on what he misses as he has lost his love/wife, and he answers that he misses doing laundry with her on Saturday night. That is what comes down to after the initial flames, dinners, movies and long discussions, fast forward years and it is doing the laundry; taking care of the house; yard work on the weekends; taking care of the other when sick and on and on. There are plenty of bad times to go with the good. In all of that, the good and the bad, grows love that is deep and lasting. Or, I am completely wrong. Anyway, I always liked the love is more thicker than forget poem by EE Cummings:

love is more thicker than forget 

more thinner than recall

more seldom than a wave is wet 

more frequent than to fail

You can't outrun the past

It is clear that my dad looms large from my writing during this course. It surprises me as I did not know it was occupying so much space in my mind. There are plenty of these stories, so I guess they could theoretically be pieced together for a longer piece. Another theme in a lot of my writing is the absurdity of the work environment/interactions, which seems to be a bigger topic these days with the effects of covid on work arrangements. Also, the daily prompt responses have been so different, interesting and entertaining. It reminds me of the book Seven Types of Ambiguity by Elliot Perlman where the same story is presented by seven different characters - it is amazing how differently people experience or remember an event. It is fiction, but it pushes the point that memory is subjective, so often what we write as nonfiction is the truth according to us, but then resource/interviews can be utilized. The old saying says the truth will set you free, and I have felt that via a lot of the writings during this course and the feedback has been excellent. 

RE: Missing

It was an interesting evening as he showed up disheveled and revved up. Truthfully, I was up for it. My husband took a weekend trip with his buddies, so I was single. The weekend was ours. I thought it would give us lot of time together to move forward. 

We started with Chinese food, we fed each other with lots of sexual innuendos and promises. Honestly, it seemed forced - nothing proceeded naturally. Really, I would not have minded to be naked with him since it had been a few days. The dinner went well, great conversation was our connection. 

He was all over me once we get inside the house, but I stopped him as the dogs were spazzing - I fed and let them out. I returned to the couch - kissing and his hands all over me - his fingers are magic and I quickly decided that is enough. My mom would've called it 'heavy petting'. He clearly had a different plan. At this point, I am ready and track down a condom. 

We were in the flow and he was talking, lots of talking with deep questions. I did, do love him in spite of Dave. We both finally said it - him like reading a prepared statement. His excitement faded while tried to resuscitate - pronounced dead at 11:00. I watched him scramble, embarrassed and I felt bad. I offered some assistance, quickly rebuked. I reminded  him there was no rush, we had all weekend or longer. He did things for me with his hands, so not a total loss. I grabbed water and returned to him fully dressed and scrambling for the door. He was gone before I could say much. - I was shocked. I showered, watched a movie and went to sleep. I expected to hear from him, but no. We talked only one time after that night, ten days later at work and it was awkward. He basically said he was still screwed up over his wife - not a surprise. I miss him a lot.

Let your mind go

I was going to say I dunno since I'm not a writer, but I guess anybody that puts pen to paper or finger to keyboard is a writer regardless of whether anybody sees it, but I always think of a writer as someone that is published. If somebody asks what you do and you answer "I'm a writer", they are going to want to see the results and will probably expect a book. However, there is so much writing going on - emails, texts, cards, reports, presentations and then there is technical writing, articles, instructions, warnings, screen plays, advertisements and the big dogs - books, so many books and so little time. I would lay out the following list for those that want to be a writer - however they see it materializing ...

1. Read, no really, read a lot.
2. Write
3. Write some more
4. Relax and think, think about what you read, think about life, as Aretha said "Let your mind go, let yourself be free."
5. Review others, provide feedback - tell them how it makes you feel, what you liked, ask questions and always .. be kind.
6. Keep writing, even when the well is dry.

If you insist

Before this online adventure, I attended one other writing class outside of freshman courses. Years ago, I enrolled in a writing course offered through a local university's continuing studies program. My girlfriend at the time decided to enroll as well, all the while saying she had no interest in it even though I never asked her to do it. I really had no clue what to expect sitting in the first meeting. The mix of people was a pleasant surprise along with the teacher - a local author who was actually upbeat and engaged. I had read a lot about writing classes which involved sharing and critiquing sessions with lively discussions that could be brutal. I wanted the brutality, or rather I wanted honesty. We left with a writing assignment. I threw myself into it while the girlfriend expressed no interest and dismissed it. During the next class, one by one creations were read with light discussions and then everybody looked in our direction, waiting and encouraging with their eyes - the girlfriend feigned embarrassment and kept saying no while waving her hands. The same thing she did she didn't want to do something and then did it. Meanwhile, I unfolded my masterpiece, preparing to read. She glances at me before standing, giggling and then reading an essay about a past Paris vacation. From what I can remember, the gist of the story was her boasting, or trying, about the trip. The story was just over five pages and she read every word, talking louder as the instructor tried to interrupt. The reading exhausted the remaining time. I folded my paper and pushed it into my pocket. She talked endlessly about the experience as we left the class. There were six more classes and this happened a few times, I never actually read anything and ended up skipping the last few as I was traveling. The relationship ended a few months later. 

Keep pushing

Steven King is quoted as saying "Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work."

I am not a big Steven King fan, nothing personal, just not a fan of horror - life is scary enough. Anyway, I love his quote for life not just writing. I have known plenty of smart and talented people along the way, but a good portion of them never pushed themselves and developed that or any talent. I don't care if it is writing, landscaping, carpentry, programming, cooking, sports or whatever else. You have to dig in and put in the work, the work nobody sees as you fail, learn and develop. You want to learn how to do something right?  Do it wrong for a while and you will appreciate it so much more when you do have some success. On the other hand, maybe the talent does not exist and you finally learn that and move on to something else that better suits your talents. The key is to keep pushing, keep challenging yourself and keep trying. Hopefully you find something that brings you joy and sustenance. If not, lie down on the couch and watch some tv.