Missing

[Lighting up, the couple in an apartment after dinner, a jumbled living area]

“Are we really going to do this?” She mumbled into his mouth.

“I think so.“ He pulled away and sat back. He had been on cruise control.

“No, I want to, it just seemed, I don’t know, we’ve been so close so many times,” she reached for his neck, pulling him closer.

“Yeah, there have been a lot of false starts,” he laughed.

“Say it first.”

“Say what?” He did not realize there was a script – at home, they just went at it, but this was all new. Was there a magic word? He immediately thought of saying please.

Silence, their faces inches apart – she squinted, seeming to will him to read her mind. The hot breath on his face was disconcerting.

“I want you so much."

“I need to know it is more than that.”

“You know that.” 

“Do I?”

“Of course you do.” Her tone was annoying.

“Do I?”

“I love you?” He hoped it didn’t sound like a question. This seemed like what she wanted to hear, but it was weird to say it. He hadn't said it to anybody in years. An hour ago it may have been a true statement, but now?

“I love you too,” she beamed while reaching back and pulling the white polo over her head.

Their eyes met as he pulled his pants down and nearly tripped.

They fell to the couch. This always looked so much easier in movies. It had been so long, it was a strange. 

“Do you have protection?” She planted her left palm on his chest like a crossing guard saying stop. 

“What? No, I didn’t think this would happen.” He rolled to the right and awkwardly tried to rest on an elbow.

“I think Dave bought some a while back. It was a big box, so one won’t be missed or maybe four!” She giggled, rolling off the couch while scrambling through a previously unseen door.

He surveyed the room and its jumbled contents. There was her husband’s stereo; his cd collection; Red Sox championship hat and there on the mantle a picture staring down on him.

“Here we go!” A square package landed on his chest. 

“Give me a second,” he fumbled with it and the moment passed – he no longer wanted to be there. He felt the eyes of the husband squarely on him. He leaned back with a heavy sigh. He missed is wife.