Regret

Darkness blankets us as we drive down the familiar road, quickly finding a space in the restaurant parking lot. We walk and talk with the clock ticking as she is due at work soon, or so she said.

It was like old times, the relaxing feeling with her, talking of everything and desperately wanting her. The red hair sparkles as we pass each street light.

When the time to leave finally arrives, we stand in a dark hallway - I want to kiss her, but she keeps walking. I can not reach her. Before finally departing, she turns to face me.

“Do you regret it?”

“The time spent with dad, no.” We had talked endlessly about our fathers.

“No, all of it.”

I stand motionless, stunned, as she turns and leaves. I will never see her again, but her words stay with me - like a blow to the head, taunting me.

“Yes.” I finally mumble after a few minutes processing and debating - I decide she was right, I regret every decision (or non-decision) that led to this very spot.

I finally sit down as my life tumbles through my mind. I want to change so many things, I want to bring her back, but it is impossible and the reality stuns me. Was she ever really there?

I lean forward, face in my hands and think tears will flow, but rather a deep sigh escapes and I vigorously rub my eyes. I know, everybody knows, there is nothing to do. After all, what’s done is done.

I wake and look at the clock, there is more time to rest. I lie back, staring at the ceiling, thinking of all of the mistakes.