Ours

It was nothing more than a mistake, but I could tell from her facial expression that she wouldn't agree when we discussed it (yeah, argued) later. Our eyes met as my mind had already begun to formalize a defense strategy. There were two general ways to approach it - angrily or apology. Wait, let me tell you what I said before going any further:

"Well, as far as I'm concerned, they are not welcome in my house."

Can you spot the mistake? Maybe not, since it is not crystal clear unless you know everything about me and I've made sure that never happens. Anyway, the key word from the questionable statement is 'my'. There would be no problem if I would have said 'our' as opposed to proclaiming sole custody of the property.

Back to the moment, there was a noticeable pause after I finished my sentence. I can't explain why everybody seemed to be listening to me at that moment since I'm usually ignored, but the women sipped their drinks and stole glances at her. The men took the lead from their mates and remained silent, but their eyes expressed pity for my mistake. This may be a good time to tell you that I am not married.

I bet you are still confused, so it may help to inform you of a rather lengthy dinner discussion - with this same group of people about an hour before my statement - regarding ownership within a couple. It began when one woman mentioned a friend's recent divorce and the splitting of assets. It seems the woman had taken the husband to the cleaners (her words, not mine).

All but one of the women at the table shook their heads in agreement and said she deserved half if not more. I was the only person with a penis to disagree. You see, I was the only one not trying to fuck somebody at the table, so I was free to speak my mind. Don't get me wrong, I was fucking one of them but it was established or so I thought. The other men were on dates some on first dates while others in the initial stages of a relationship (you know, when you still agree on everything). I wanted to tell them to stand up because there was plenty more out there - women, that is.

Anyway, I said the division of assets and liabilities should be judged on the person's contribution to the partnership (see, I am not anti-marriage) as well as other factors like length of the relationship, children, and so forth. Well, let me tell you, no man touched what I said - they sat quietly and I remembered why I didn't like any of them. There were a few mini-arguments or discussions with some of the women.

The funny thing is I could sense these women instantly judging my companion or pitying her. And she, my lady, did join the discussion. She both agreed and disagreed with me on certain points (see, you thought I was with some bimbo), so things seemed good to me (as they always do until I am told otherwise).

Back to my original point, this story preceded a discussion of a couple with lots of problems. I won't bore you with the details, but I found it necessary to announce they were no longer welcome in my house. Shit, I did it again, no, they are not welcome in OUR house. Really, I wasn't trying to demean anybody and actually her name is on the deed so it is really our house. Given that fact, it is both mine and hers, so either one of us can say my or our when discussing it. Right?

Did you like those last two sentences? Anyway, it is a sampling of what I said to her - later that night. While I realized everybody's thinking, I didn't acknowledge the mistake in their presence (which was apparently a mistake) and continued speaking. I would tell you what I said next, but it is irrelevant. If you are wondering about getting laid that night, you would be wrong to think it didn't happen - there's nothing better than angry sex, but really it was makeup sex after our discussion - although I still like angry sex. Yes, that's right, we fucked in our house in our bed. It makes me wonder, should I say she sucked my dick or she sucked our dick?

Listen

Snow tumbled to the ground as I gazed out the window. Drivers were inched forward on the suddenly slippery side street. The snow piled innocently on the cold asphalt as my mind returned to the previous night. I could think of nothing else.

“Joe? Joe!?”

The words traveled to the deep recesses of my brain before they were processed. I spun the chair around too fast and ended up facing the same window, but I could see the stares as I flew past. I turned the chair again – slowly – and faced the scrutiny of my colleagues. Beads of sweat broke out across my forehead – I hadn’t been listening to a single word in the meeting.

“Joe, are you with us?” The big boss, Mike, drummed his fingers on the table while waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, I’m here – present!” I was the only person smiling.

“Good to hear, and what do you think?”

“About what?”

“The proposal!” The irritation was now painfully obvious as Mike’s neck faded to red. It was a common occurrence, and an obvious clue of his consternation.

“I’m really sorry, I zoned out for a minute, but I’m impressed with what I saw in the printout.” I took the middle ground, admitting I hadn’t been listening and lying about reading the document. I hoped the proposal was actually good.

“No problem, this snow has everybody in an uproar. You’d think it never snowed – hell, I’m not worried about it.” Mike slapped his hand on the table and the rest of the group recognized the moment and forced a chuckle. I felt her eyes upon me - she wasn’t laughing, but I knew how to make her laugh.

“Yeah, I think the children are being released from school early,” I scratched my chin while looking in her direction.

The top two buttons of her satin blouse were open. No imagination was necessary since I had been there, but it was still arousing – especially watching the other guys nervously steal glances. The tight knee-length black skirt was the perfect complement along with the matching black heels. I wanted to pull her onto the table and push that skirt up - again. I wondered if she was wearing anything underneath, or was she riding bareback like last night. I nervously dried my hands on my slacks.

“Well, I agree,” Mike leaned back authoritatively in his chair.

“About the school closings?” I had zoned out again and the room filled with real laughter.

“Yeah, right,” Mike slapped the table again and shook the proposal in the air. I rearranged my papers to keep my hands moving. I had only doodled on the front page. I felt a nudge in my side and turned to see Dave’s smiling face.

“You okay?” He seemed genuinely concerned and I wondered why.

“Yeah, why? What’s up?”

“Oh, you’ve been staring into space and what’s with the drawing?” He pointed to my paper as I looked down and noticed one small man shooting another – red ink would’ve been a nice touch.

“Oh, watching too many dumb movies, I’m just a bit tired today – feel like building a snowman.” I laughed to dismiss Dave and turned and locked my eyes on the cleavage. I slowly traveled up the bare chest – jumping from freckle to freckle until our eyes met.

“Okay, Dave, review the numbers and you and I can meet with Joe tomorrow to make sure the finances are okay.” Mike stood to announce the end of the meeting. Nobody was in a rush as they milled around chatting. I timed my steps to join her at the door.

“You okay?” She looked up into my eyes and caught herself while reaching out to touch my face. That was not something we wanted to do in the office in front of everyone, although the rumors were probably already in motion.

“Yeah, just tired, up too late again.” I forced another smile.

“Still having trouble sleeping?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, I could certainly cure that.” She winked and slowly walked to her office. I watched the curvy body escape behind her door.

“Nice isn’t it?” Dave saddled up beside me and slapped my shoulder.

“Huh?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. While I don't want to build a snowman, I'd like to do some plowing with her.” He patted me again and walked away.

“Yeah, uhm, that sounds good.” I mumbled to myself as my mind returned to the previous night. I cautiously approached her office to make sure I wasn't being watched. I gently knocked and pushed the door open. She immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me inside while closing and locking the door.

"What took you so long?" Her speech was frantic as she pushed me against the closed door and our lips met. I pushed her to the desk and dropped to my knees, I had to see what was under that skirt today. I felt nothing but skin as my hand slid under the fabric, she gasped as one finger disappeared inside her.

Test

"Pee in the cup and leave it on the counter." It was a phrase I never thought would leave my lips. After all, I worked in management not health care.

He took the cup from my hands and our eyes met. I couldn't decide if it was fear or hurt in his eyes, but I was definitely hurt. Trust is a weird thing, once it's gone, it is hard to regain. For sure it was a risk, but it was a decision I felt necessary under the umbrella of protection.

I leaned against the wall as he entered the bathroom. I fondly recalled him claiming the room as his own so many years ago. I turned and stood at the doorway of his room. My hand ran across the wall with small lines etched on the wall along with dates and heights. He liked to remind me of his proximity to my height these days.

"I can't go, I just went a few minutes ago." The bathroom door was half open with his head hanging out.

"Just do it. I don't need a gallon, just fill it to the line. Something will come out, give it another try." I spoke without turning to face him. I wondered if he was stalling or being truthful. It was a common question lately. The door slammed as his grumblings echoed in the small bathroom.

I turned and reviewed the rudimentary growth chart again. I had initially objected when he wanted to make the first mark since we had just painted the room in the previous weeks, but his smile quickly changed my mind. Actually, he had helped with the painting. The memory of his small body covered with specks of blue paint made me smile. He had been so proud of the work. The day spent correcting his mistakes was worth it.

I took another step into the room and the musty smell of an active teenager filled my lungs. Sneakers, clothes, and gadgets filled the room. There had been many unauthorized (his word not mine) searches of this room over the years. He had actually invited me inside only a few years ago, but those days were long gone. I blamed the lack of trust on my dad, but who knows where it originated.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just waiting." I turned to meet his still hard to read face.

"This is my room." He squeezed past me and held the half full plastic container in an outstretched arm.

"Yeah, I know, I didn't touch anything." I resisted the usual response of pointing out it was or is my house. I carefully accepted the container of yellow liquid since I didn't want to add urine to the many smells in the room. "I told you to leave it on the counter."

"And I told you I didn't do anything, so nobody listens around here."

"If so, you shouldn't have anything to worry about." The sarcasm in his voice was obvious. He constantly tested the boundaries these days.

I returned to the bathroom and opened the tiny booklet to read the directions. The glasses slid down my nose as I moved to get more light. I tore open the pouch and dropped the stick in the liquid. The instructions said to wait ten minutes. I couldn't decide if I wanted to be right or wrong. The problem was instructing him on right and wrong.

Expectations

I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing while driving the familiar route. I promised myself that this would be the last time. Of course, the same promise had been made countless times. I wondered about security and cameras as the car rolled to a stop.

I leaned against the open window as the cool night air washed over me, her car clearly within sight. Actually, I had a perfect view of both the door and the car. I felt uneasy and jittery as my eyes darted back and forth between the car and the door. I wanted to see her, but the fear of what would unfold was painful. My hand grasped the keys awaiting the signal to abort the mission, but it was soon back in my lap. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be wrong.

A security guard passed behind. I sensed his eyes locked on my car, probably recording the plate number, as he crept forward. Men and women streamed from the brown brick building. Lights disappeared as windows went dark, it was closing time. I confirmed the dashboard time against the cell phone - she was due any moment.

The questions and scenarios flipped through my mind. The mind took off as the imagination provided the answers. There was the chance that she wasn't in the building. She had probably parked the car and went elsewhere doing whatever. It hurt, but I knew I couldn't show it.

As usual, there was no answer when dialing her cell phone. I slammed my phone on the floor and watched an older man approach a white sedan. He disappeared inside and the brake lights appeared - they were gone in a flash. The same routine was repeated as others appeared.

I rubbed my eyes, it had been a long day and the inevitable ending awaited. I felt sick as the reality hit me, but it quickly disappeared as the familiar body appeared in the doorway and made her way down the sidewalk. I frowned, she was alone, maybe she had spotted me.

I watched her lazily stroll to the car. Her hair was up, I knew the familiar clip was holding it in place. As always, she was beautiful. I smiled as she pointed the remote towards the car and pressed the button - the car answering her with a beep and flash of the lights.

I wanted to talk to her, but explaining my presence would be hard. I leaned back and watched her drive away. The cell phone rang just as the security guard tapped on the window. I held up one finger to ask him to wait as I retrieved the phone - recognizing her number on the display.

Compare

My footsteps echoed as I eased my way down the hall, mumbling room numbers to myself while searching for 634. It hurt to make eye contact with the pain and confusion on the faces of men and women lying in the rooms. As I approached a new room, I vowed not to look directly at their face, but the promise was always broken. Somehow, I felt their pain, but I was helpless.

I stopped when 634 finally appeared. The door was closed. I swallowed hard before gently knocking and slowly opening it. There was the man to the left, the small body draped in white blankets with the gentle humming of the machines to his left and the occasional beep.

The door remained ajar to avoid the sound of closing, so his sleep was undisturbed. I remained standing at the foot of the bed, watching and counting the drips of the IV. The emotions washed over me, the sympathy battling the anger which battled the disappointment. It was hard to imagine the meek old man lying in front of me causing so much pain, but history was hard to ignore - especially personal history. The disappointment led to guilt as I admitted to nobody, other than myself, that I would have preferred a visit to the morgue.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" The weak, raspy voice destroyed the quiet vigil. The green eyes, the only person in the whole family with such eyes, stared at me.

"I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd say hi." I decided not to elaborate on my plan, practiced in the car on the way to the hospital, of identifying the - his - body and the few telephone calls to let others know the reign of terror was over. Yeah, terror may be a bit over the top, but you get the point.

"Oh." The body didn't move, but the head moved slightly to the right to get a better look. I took a few steps to the bed and met his gaze. Suddenly, I wondered if he could actually move the body.

"Yeah, well, they called me to tell me about it, so I thought I'd check on you." I examined the monitor near the bed while talking, wondering what values were good and, more importantly, bad. I did know that a horizontal line in the heartbeat window was preferred. I wondered if I could fake a cry or anything close if the line suddenly appeared.

"Oh, just another accident, I'll be okay in a few days." The sentence was slowly revealed through a series of coughs. I offered water, but he declined.

"In a few days? Shit, you had another fucking heart attack. This wasn't an accident. The only accident is you still being able to talk - or even breathe!" The emotions were hard to contain as his carefree attitude overwhelmed me. No doubt, his condition would be worse than before, there was no way he could care for himself, so what would happen?

"You were always so dramatic, just like your mother, but the doctor told me I was lucky, so maybe you have a point." A feeble grin stretched across his face but quickly disappeared as a nurse entered.

I stepped back and leaned against the wall as the nurse completed her checklist. I rubbed my eyes while wondering when this would ever end. I felt judgment as the nurse's eyes met mine; she seemed to know my thoughts. I wanted to pull her aside and fill in the details, the past, so she could be on my side. At this point, I wanted somebody on my side, and I wanted him on the other side.