Expectations

I tried to convince myself that I was doing the right thing while driving the familiar route. I promised myself that this would be the last time. Of course, the same promise had been made countless times. I wondered about security and cameras as the car rolled to a stop.

I leaned against the open window as the cool night air washed over me, her car clearly within sight. Actually, I had a perfect view of both the door and the car. I felt uneasy and jittery as my eyes darted back and forth between the car and the door. I wanted to see her, but the fear of what would unfold was painful. My hand grasped the keys awaiting the signal to abort the mission, but it was soon back in my lap. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be wrong.

A security guard passed behind. I sensed his eyes locked on my car, probably recording the plate number, as he crept forward. Men and women streamed from the brown brick building. Lights disappeared as windows went dark, it was closing time. I confirmed the dashboard time against the cell phone - she was due any moment.

The questions and scenarios flipped through my mind. The mind took off as the imagination provided the answers. There was the chance that she wasn't in the building. She had probably parked the car and went elsewhere doing whatever. It hurt, but I knew I couldn't show it.

As usual, there was no answer when dialing her cell phone. I slammed my phone on the floor and watched an older man approach a white sedan. He disappeared inside and the brake lights appeared - they were gone in a flash. The same routine was repeated as others appeared.

I rubbed my eyes, it had been a long day and the inevitable ending awaited. I felt sick as the reality hit me, but it quickly disappeared as the familiar body appeared in the doorway and made her way down the sidewalk. I frowned, she was alone, maybe she had spotted me.

I watched her lazily stroll to the car. Her hair was up, I knew the familiar clip was holding it in place. As always, she was beautiful. I smiled as she pointed the remote towards the car and pressed the button - the car answering her with a beep and flash of the lights.

I wanted to talk to her, but explaining my presence would be hard. I leaned back and watched her drive away. The cell phone rang just as the security guard tapped on the window. I held up one finger to ask him to wait as I retrieved the phone - recognizing her number on the display.