Regret

Darkness blanketed us as we drove down the familiar road, quickly finding a space in a restaurant parking lot. We walked and talked with the clock ticking as she was due at work soon or so she said.

It was like old times, the relaxing feeling with her, talking of everything and desperately wanting her. The red hair sparkled as we passed each street light.

When the time to leave finally arrived, we stood in a dark hallway - I wanted to kiss her, but she kept walking. I could not reach her. Before finally departing, she turned to face me.

“Do you regret it?”

“The time spent with dad, no.” We had talked endlessly about our fathers.

“No, all of it.”

I stood motionless, stunned, as she turned and left. I would never see her again, but her words stayed with me forever - they were like a blow to the head - taunting me.

“Yes.” I finally mumbled after minutes of processing and debating, I decided she was right, I regretted every decision (or non-decision) that led to this very spot.

I finally sat down as my life tumbled through my mind. I wanted to change so many things, I wanted to bring her back, but it was impossible and the reality hit me like a punch. Was she ever really there?

I leaned forward, face in my hands and thought tears would flow, but rather a deep sigh escaped and I vigorously rubbed my eyes. I knew, everybody knows, there is nothing to do at this point. After all, what’s done is done.

I woke up and looked at the clock, I had more time to rest. I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, thinking of all of my mistakes.