"Hey, you taking your break now?"
It was an innocent question, although it took me a week to summon the courage to ask her, my coworker, to take our break together. That encounter led to more mutual breaks and then an actual date where we went to see the movie "Sleeping with the Enemy" - not a joke, we still laugh about it. When I approached her that first time, there was only the thought of talking, spending time together, I had somehow forgotten the obvious difference - others did not.
As the Three Dog Night songs says "The world is black, the world is white. It turns by day and then by night." Having been in a mixed relationship for many years, I learned, was taught, the difference between black and white. Yes, I was naive. I had no clue of anything related to race - not a big surprise with me being a white guy. Being together irritated so many with no shortage of opinions, stares and comments. It was a shock in every sense of the word, but it was bliss when only the two of us.
Cue the song "Brother Louie" by The Stories when she meets the family - "He took her home to meet his mama and papa. Now he had a terrible fright."
I was hot-tempered, a short fuse, in my younger days thus many altercations. I lost many so-called friends and family, and all I can say is good-riddance. In the end, we persevered. The backlash never came from who I suspected and that has been a constant in life - people always surprise me or rather my pre-conceived notions (prejudices?) are usually wrong. It colored (no pun intended) every aspect of life as you have to always be aware of your surroundings; avoid certain areas; travel/vacations in large cities with more diversity and so forth - it is a consideration in everything.
A son joined us and I took notice of the slights and treatment directed his way. I held him close and took what bullets I could, but in the end I could not control it or shield him. He had to learn the hard realities. He had to be prepared to navigate and survive.
A by-product I only really noticed lately is people speaking in low tones when any topic related to race comes up. They approach it carefully, they eye me carefully, gauging my reaction. In reality, I ignore most of it and the people these days as my expectations are low.
Relationships are hard enough by themselves, the added scrutiny does not help. A byproduct of the experience is more compassion for all others not following a traditional path. Life is hard and people are doing their best to survive the daily grind and find happiness - live and let live.
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