What do I do?

One reason I do this writing is  to force change upon me - force me to regain the writing habit that I had years ago, but I lost it as the demands of life piled up. Even thought I voluntarily signed up for this class, I continue to fight it. I must admit to myself that I do not like change even though I consider my current situation and, dare I say, mental state to be a bit lost like a ship without a rudder. I am at a point in life where I have accomplished a lot of my goals - even if I never expressed them to anyone and really not sure if they were goals or mere survival. It feels like a change is necessary or maybe coming, but I just don't know what it will or should be. 

The uncertainty seems to be shared by a lot of people I talk to these days. I lost a few family members over the past few years, and that always leads to reflection. Then, there is society that is seemingly unraveling before my/our eyes. So much of what is happening on a daily basis is hard to digest, and is it possible to discuss anything with people these days? Opinions and righteousness have replaced civil discourse? I want to both pull my loved ones close to me and at the same time I want to run away, go away and be somebody else. In the end, maybe this is the proverbial mid-life crisis? Or, is it the broader existential crisis that I fear? I think back to that kid growing up in public housing and bullied on a daily basis and feel relief that I made it this far, but what next? What changes are coming?