Don't forget to breath

"Have you been practicing your deep breathing? Being mindful?" The therapist looks directly at me, holding an iPad, awaiting my reply. "All the breathing in the world is not going to help." I cover my face with my hands and rub, wanting to scream while avoiding eye contact for as long as possible. I finally lower my hands and watch as she makes notes on the iPad. I feel old that I remember when they held actual paper and pen, but then feel odd that I have been seeing these people for so long. Ancient Greek physician Hippocrates described symptoms resembling anxiety and melancholia, referring to an imbalance of bodily fluids or "humors." "Well, nothing will work with that attitude. Do you actually want to improve?" "I think so. I am here, I showed up, right?" The question is jarring. Of course, I don't want to have a total meltdown that requires me to run and hide in my office until I can gain some semblance of composure. And, does she not realize I don't really want to be here talking to her. "Well, you do still keep showing up, that is a positive. So, what was the trigger this time?" "There was an interview, can't remember if on tv or online, but it was a convicted child molester describing how he picked victims. The guy said he looked for loners, kids without fathers around and those without heavy parental involvement." My face felt flush, I could feel panic sweeping over me, I took another long deep breath - maybe the breathing did help? "Oh wow, so this would definitely trigger you, it took you back to being that little boy? We've discussed this, we need to talk to that little boy and offer help." "There is no help, unless you have a time machine." I lean back and stare straight into the ceiling, willing the tears to remain in my eyes, I stretch my jaw and take yet another deep breath, exhale and return to the moment. I lower my head and realize she is watching me, but then again what else would she be doing. Sigmund Freud, a prominent figure in psychiatry, introduced the concept of neurosis in the 19th century, which encompassed various anxiety-related conditions. Freud's psychoanalytic theories focused on the unconscious mind and childhood experiences as determinants of anxiety. His work played a significant role in shaping the understanding of anxiety disorders. "See the breathing can help, provide some relief." She smiled watching me exhale. "Yeah, it's a life saver." I look at her, but my mind is back to being that little boy. I am helpless. The DSM-III, published in 1980, introduced specific diagnostic criteria for anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and phobias, among others. Initial medications for these ailments included Xanax and Valium. Later, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like Prozac and Zoloft, gained prominence. "Well, it is just one of the items available in our toolbox." She makes more notes on the iPad. "Yeah, but the pills cause too many other problems, not worth the trouble." Today, the treatment of anxiety disorders often involves a multimodal approach that combines medication, psychotherapy (such as cognitive-behavioral therapy), and lifestyle modifications. "Are you ready to try another EMD session? I know they are taxing, but the trauma needs to be addressed." She sits back with arms folded across her chest, we keep going round and round on this topic. "Ugh, I dunno, not sure, it put me in a bad place for a week. I was exhausted." I fidget thinking of a past session where EMD was introduced and performed, I felt like I had been in a fight afterwards, but there had been some revelations. I'm just afraid of what else could be uncovered, not ready for more surprises or discoveries as she calls them. EMD therapy refers to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. It is a psychotherapy approach that was originally developed to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) but has since been applied to various other mental health conditions.